I know you are trying to save water and all that nonsense. Yippee for being green, you should have a ribbon. But you tend to cause urine to splatter on my pants more often than normal urinals. I think its because normal urinals have a bit of water at the bottom that I can pee into.
So please stop being pretentious, your older brother is way cooler than you. Maybe you should tell your grandpa the pee trough to come back those were badass.
Au Revoir,
Petrie
Your owners are going to regret you in t-minus 5 years when they are no longer the same dumb person they are now. Calling all Hipsters: “When you grow out of your current phase, you will regret all that dumb ink you put on your skin”. Actually that applies to everyone with a dumb tattoo.
GOOD NEWS! Removing you not only expensive but painful and time intensive. Yippee. Thanks for not affixing your ridiculous self to me.
L’Chaim,
Petrie
You are the ones that keep problems alive. Just think about it, if no one got offended by racial slurs then there wouldn’t be that problem. But people have a hissy fit everytime a derogatory word is said, so they still have a negative connotation. People are getting less offended by profanity these days and look its a part of common culture.
Also when you get offended by stuff your stress level rises which leads to a rise in blood pressure and more of a chance of heart attack. So if you just hang out for a quick minute and brush it off, your day will be better off.
Yaaaayyyy! Happy Time,
Petrie
Haha I got you! My beard keeps my face warm now you cant hurt it with your cold breath. Teehee nature helped me. I guess you have to find a new way to try and hurt me. Check my poorly drawn picture below to see what I mean.
Buenos noches mi amor,
Petrie
I just read some guy got sentenced to 106 years in jail. WTF is our country thinking? The guy is atleast 18 + 106=124yrs that is still over a year older than the person that was documented for living the longest at 122 years according to wikipedia. So there is no way in hell this guy is gonna see the real world again. Why in the hell aren’t we killing these people? We’re wasting time and money. Think how much money you could charge for public hangings. Probably would be a money maker. It detered people from doing bad things from back in the day.
Long life sentences are just silly,
Petrie
Thank you Taco Bell for renovating our store here in Boulder. It looks quite nice, like a digitally remastered Disney Movie. It definitly made me come buy more food. So congrats on trying to make it the number 1 grossing Taco Bell in the nation again.
Also thank you for making the renovation happen overnight, it was good to see that the crazies here in The People’s Republic of Boulder can’t stop everything that is good.
Cheers,
Petrie
Your coffee is shit! I spent my money on a bag of your coffee and was throughly dissappointed. Everybody from the east coast raves about this coffee you have, but I’m about as impressed with this as I was when I found out the easter bunny was a joke (sorry kids, he’s fake).
Anyways, as I was saying it tastes cheap. It gave me about as much enegery as it takes to raise my middle finger to your coffee. Help yourselves out and stop selling your terrible coffee.
Adios kids,
Petrie
Its not even Thanksgiving yet. Remember when you wouldn’t rear your ugly face until after Thanksgiving? Yea those were the glory days. But some music player prematurely ejactulated your tunes and now I am stuck having to listen to your annoying banter starting right after Halloween.
So do yourself a favor and self destruct.
Kbye,
Petrie
I would like to thank you and your silly diets. See I was a vegitarian once and it was fun. I didn’t do it for any other reason than shits and giggs (I know you think I am bad for the vegitarian culture, so go cry in the corner). But I would like to say thank you for making people feel bad about how animals are treated and making the meat we consumer better.
If it were for your tasteful guerilla marketing campains showing slaughter houses and chicken farms, I wouldn’t be getting this great free range meat for cheap as hell so keep it up.
Alrightcya,
Petrie
These next posts (the ones to the right) are supposed to be funny thoughts and observations, if you find them offensive sorry. They are inspired by the writer of June Bugged, so you can get all pissy with her.
Kbye
